Decisions, decisions...

One would like to think that by the time they reach my age they would have things figured out. You know the usual things that you should have settled on in your 20's...job, home/apartment, goals. I feel like at almost 36, I am floundering in my life. I have skills, at least I like to think I do. But, for some reason, I have not yet figured out what to do with my life.


I am a NYS Certified EMT, but I am holding down a job that repulses me in a call center. I worked hard to become an EMT, but I can't figure out what to do with myself. I am not sure if I want to work for a private company, or do I want to hold out for NYFD. I mean really, I am not getting any younger. 


When I was in my 20's, I went back to school. I took classes to become a police officer. Due to a car accident, I hurt my back and gave up on that dream. I don't know why I gave it up. Maybe because I thought I couldn't handle it. I should have continued, I could have worked in the crime scene end of things. That was my best class and the one I always enjoyed attending. 


Now, here I find myself, floundering again. Only, now I have kids and a husband. I am miserable and unsure of my future. I wish I had a career, something solid, something I enjoyed... I keep thinking I am too old to really do anything different now. Could it be a fear of failure or what?? Is it normal for me to be such a mess at this age?? Am I the only one struggling with life decisions at this age??

Lack of inspiration

I never thought it could be possible, never thought it probable. But right now I am suffering from a lack of inspiration to blog. There is nothing spectacular going on in my life, nothing that is worth writing about at least. I mean I have been sick, but this season who hasn't. We have had the Snowpocalypse, but again, who hasn't. My job sucks, who's doesn't. I don't ever want this to become a bitch-a-thon! I want to be able to share good times and bad, but at the current time, life is stagnant.


Maybe, just maybe, I will feel better tomorrow and be able to write something smart, and witty, and inspiring. 
Maybe, just maybe, I will feel empowered after this week's race and have something cool to share.
Maybe, just maybe, I will get an awesome new job and be able to share it with you.
Maybe, just maybe, I will hit the lottery.


I hope so....


Until then I will leave you with this, hope it brightens your day!

Friend Making Monday

Good evening blogland!! It's that time again, FMM! Tonight is short survey time, feel free to copy the questions to answer on your own blog and don't forget to post your link at the bottom.


1) What is your favorite household chore?  And what is your least favorite?
I like a clean sink in the kitchen, for some reason when my sink is empty I feel like my life is in order. (Weird, I know.)


2)What is your favorite city?
NYC (Chicago coming in a very, very close 2nd)


3) Have you found real love yet?
Yes, I have. Married my best friend in August 2009.  

4) What's one thing you eat almost everyday?
Grapefruit with Splenda on it.  

5) What was your last thought before falling asleep last night?
Why did I agree to order the Royal Rumble, I am so disappointed John Cena lost. :(    

6) What's the worst injury you had as a child?
I was using the slip and slide, backed up all the way to the fence and caught my heel on the bottom of the fence as I started to run forward. 


7) Will you/have you worked out today?
No. I haven't been working out due to the crappy snow and ice.  

8) Do you tweet? If so, what's your name?
Indeed I do, @BklynRunninFool (You can find me on Nike+ with that name too) 

9) List three things you wouldn't want to live without:
Hubby and kids, Blackberry, and Nook Color 

10) How old were you when you had your first kiss?
I was 15, and his name was Tim (I think...)


Go ahead and copy this survey for your blog and be sure to leave your link below...

A challenge and a little more about me.

This blog is predominantly to cover my weight loss and running journey. But I would like to let you in on what I do when I am not running or counting my points.

I am a married mother of two, I have a son and a daughter. Mimi, my daughter, is 16 and lives with my husband and I in Brooklyn, NY. Nanni, my son, is 10 and lives in New Jersey with his dad.

Currently, I work in a call center in NYC. I have worked in another call center prior to this and thought I would never do this kind of work again. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was forced to find a job...and quick! I saw an ad looking for people with call center experience and I jumped on it. I am a Licensed Insurance Agent and I deal with Health and Life Insurance at this time. I have mentioned before, I am a NYS Certified EMT-B, with dreams of becoming a Paramedic. I just need to find an EMT position first.

I love to be outdoors. Walking, running, sitting, swimming, sitting on the beach...I just love it. I enjoy nature. I know it sounds goofy.

And I truly LOVE reading, which brings me to the point of this post. While checking out Barnes & Noble, I decided to check out the site of one of my new favorite writers. As you may have read, I bought myself a Nook Color and I absolutely love it! I discovered my new favorite writer, Heather Wardell , using my Nook. She was listed under Free NOOKbooks, and her book is Life, Love, and A Polar Bear Tattoo. It is a heart-warming story and what some might call an easy read, I personally got lost in the the story. I even teared up. Well, she has written a few stories and I have read all of them! So, today I decided to drop by her blog and saw a challenge. It is a challenge to read 111 books in 2011. I decided to join. I am thinking maybe once a week I will give a little review of hat I have been reading. The challenge comes courtesy of Life is short. Read fast.  So almost a month in and I have already read 6 books, I am ready to read.

Well I hope everyone is having a great January, but I have to run. I have two new books, calling me from my NOOK.

Friend Making Monday!!!

Thanks to the lovely Kenz... I bring you:

If you've taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you're new, please take a moment to answer this week's question on your own blog then add a link at the bottom of this post so we can all see your post. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts.

Answer each question using only one word...

1. Where is your cell phone? Dresser

2. Your most significant other? Silly

3. Your hair? Brown

4. Your mother? Overbearing

5. Your father? Deceased

6. Your favorite? Cheesecake

7. Your dream last night? Flying

8. Your favorite drink? YooHoo!!!

9. Your dream/goal? House

10. What room you are in? Bedroom

11. Your hobby? Reading

12. Your fear? Death

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Vacation

14. Where were you last night? Home

15. Something that you aren't? Snobby

16. Muffins? CHOCOLATE

17. Wish list item? Pool

18. Where you grew up? Jersey

19. Last thing you did? Bath

20. What are you wearing? PJs

21. Your TV? Wrestling

22. Your pets? Purring

23. Friends? Few

24. Your life? Dull

25. Your mood? Stressed

26. Missing someone? Yes

27. One place that I go to over and over? Work

28. Something you want: Massage

29. Your favorite store? Grocery

30. Your favorite color? Green

Sick sucks!

Happy Saturday to all. I hope you are able to enjoy your day. I, on the other hand, have been sick with some sort of stomach bug, general shitty feeling since Thursday night. I have been able to eat but I just have this incredible crappy all over feeling. So no work for me yesterday or today. I think I have not been able to shake my crappy feeling is that I am trying to push myself too hard, trying to accomplish too much all at once. I need a break!

I figure I would take this opportunity to share a few things I have been proud of this week. Some are NSVs and others are just small things I have been working towards for a while now.

Here I sit on a Saturday, curled up in bed surrounded by all the creature comforts. A brandy, dandy new netbook, a Nook Color, and a Blackberry. Yet, I am bored, bored to tears actually. I am restless and cranky and I want to get up and move. I did some dishes, which I am extremely proud of considering how I feel. I know my husband would not have cared if I left them there, he knows if I am not up by 6:30am there is something wrong. He actually let me sleep until 11:30... Aside from that, I logged into WW to log my breakfast/lunch and I realized something. I have 35 WPs and 11 APs left for the week!!!! Now mind you my week resets on Tuesday, this my friends is nothing short of miraculous!

I have been trying to pay down my debt for a while now. I can celebrate this week because I am starting to see some real progress from this month's credit report compared to last. I have been dilegently working on this for months, and I say it's about friggen time. But as many people who have ever had a bad or one sided relationship will know...sometimes following the heart can crush your credit.

I have an interview with an ambulance company next week...I'm nervous to be honest. (For those that don't know, I am a NYS Certified EMT) Right now, I am working at a job that I hate, that I despise actually, but it is helping me pay off those bills.

I have had bronchitis this month, but I pushed myself to get out and run on Thursday night. It was the toughest run I have had to date. I only ran about 1.66 miles, but my body started to hurt after the 1st 1/10th of a mile and my breathing was horrible. I did not give up and still managed to run at under a 10 minute mile pace.

I am waiting for the weather to get better so that I can get out and run more often. But until then I have to deal with whatever mother nature sends my way.

So with all that being said, I am going to wish everyone a great rest of your weekend while I lay here and enjoy a cup of delicious hot apple cider...hot apple pie flavored might I add.

The week I fell off the WW bandwagon, or so I thought.

Sorry I have been away so long. I have had a cold and some pneumonia and way too many things on my plate. Damn being a Taurus, in true Taurus stubborn style, I never like to ask for help. So I find myself overworked and underpaid and running like a chicken with it's head cut off. And, might I mention, that is not the kind of running that I enjoy.

To make a long, long, long, story short, I didn't track everything last week and some days I got around to tracking well after the fact. I found that I had used all my WP's and almost all of my AP's as well. I didn't exercise much, thanks to crappy snow. Have I mentioned that I HATE SNOW! I never thought I could hate snow, it's pretty and covers everything like a blanket and usually it is nice to look at that is unless you live here in NYC. Here in NYC usually after a day or two it becomes a slushy, dirty, nasty mess. And once it does that, it freezes over...everything and I do mean everything at least in my neighborhood was a sheet of ice. Here it is almost a full month after Snowpocalypse and the snow still remain, not to mention the garbage that still has not been picked up in my neighborhood. Well, ice and snow have not been kind to my running schedule and I simply have not had any time to get out to the gym. I have been working and coming home and sitting miserably waiting for the snow to disappear so that I can go outside and run, and run, and run. I really never thought I would hate snow, that is until I became a runner.

Now I know that many people would tell me to go run on the "dreadmill", the confession is this... I HATE the treadmill, almost as much as I hate the snow. I fell horrible on the treadmill, I am not motivated and I don't feel like I am being challenged enough. I have what they refer to as "Exercise Induced Asthma", meaning that my breathing only really bothers me when I exercise. I like to run outdoors because the temperatures and the air change, it helps my breathing, and I have only had to use my trusty inhaler a few times on the past few runs. I think that challenging my lungs outdoors will help me to run a better outdoor race as well. I also like the feeling of the asphalt under my shoes. There is something about the treadmill surface that bothers me. And I also like the sudden changes in the pavement, the ups the downs, and the inbetweens...I like that the changes are more sudden than the incline on treadmill. I like to run like I would run in a road race, on the unforgiving road.

Last week I signed up for another 5K and I am waiting for some other NYRR events to open up. Also, this Friday, I have my volunteer spot scheduled for my 9+1 guaranteed entry to the 2012 NYC Marathon. The way NYRR does it is, they expect you to run 9 NYRR qualifying race and volunteer for 1 NYRR event. The volunteering can be done during any NYRR event and it includes things like packet handout (the one I volunteered for), handing out water to the racers, medical positions (Docs and EMT's), and various other things. I could have volunterred for a medical spot, being an EMT, but it is a far more laborious process to sign up for one of those spots. So, I picked one that was easy, that I could get out of the way early.

I have a 4 miler coming up on February 6th and I feel super unprepared. I really have to get my butt out there...hopefully I look as good as good as I did on my last 4 miler, the Jingle Bell Jog.

Look at me go!!!

So, now for a rant...as I was wandering aroung today doing some errands, I happen to come across the path of a woman who was less fortunate than myself. Here I am, walking down the street after having spent $5 on a Starbucks Skinny Latte, having bought some fruit, and carrying my brand new netbook (this being the 1st time I am using it). She asked if I could help her out getting something to eat, so many people passed her up giving her dirty looks. It saddened me. You don't know the circumstances of why she is out there asking for money and to be able to swallow any kind of pride you had to beg takes guts. I reached in my wallet and gave her the four singles I had on me, if I had more I would have given it. Then this evening, I went down to Brighton Beach again and saw a man kneeling on a cardboard box, I saw that people were putting money in his cup. I figured that he would be ok with what he was getting, being as I only had 20 dollar bills on me. This gentleman wasn't beginning he was just kneeling there rocking back and forth, almost as if praying or meditating. That's when a young woman came up to me and asked me if I could spare a quarter. I gave her whatever change was in my wallet. Then, while waiting for my bus, I watched her ask passersby for quarters. These people sickened me, they walked past her with a look of disgust on their faces. They looked at this woman as though she was the dirt beneath the dirt, like she was the lowest thing on the planet. Some of these people walking by were wearing fur coats and carrying Coach bags...you mean you walk around like that and can't spare a damn quarter???? Was that quarter going to make or break you?? I doubt it. Now me, being me, had enough of this scene. I don't have much, that's for sure. I mainly only buy things out of necessity, but I could certainly spare a few dollars. I walked into the Dunkin Donuts and bought a hot chocolate to break the twenty I had. When I walked out the door, I stepped to my right and handed the young man a few dollars. The look he gave me said it all, heartbreak, thanks, appreciation for those who have some sort of a heart. I, then, walked back toward the bus stop where I handed the other dollars I had to the young woman. She, too, had that look of heartfelt thanks. I know that when I get on that bus I have a destination, I have an apartmrnt to go to. As small as it may be, and as much as I may bitch about it, it is warm and it keeps me out of the snow and rain, and I am safe there. I wish I could say the same about the three people who crossed my path today. I will never again take what I have for granted, no matter how small I think my apartment may be, it is more than some people have. I am thankful to have been reminded that I am blessed, because sometimes life gets in the way and we forget and take these things for granted. I feel better knowing that my little bit of help, may have made someones day better.

In other news, I am down another two pounds! And here I thought it was a bad week.

Til next time,

Me 

Big Announcement, and the Stinking Flu

Ok, so I will keep you in suspense for a little bit longer, but not too much longer. I will start by saying that true to my word, I went out and ran a second mile yesterday. I charged my iPod for a few and this time I remembered my Nike+ receiver. I went to the shoe box and took out my babies (yes, I refer to my sneakers as my babies), I only wear these sneakers if I am going out to run. I grabbed my trusty inhaler and shoved it into the old sports bra, it keeps the inhaler secure and close to me. I hit Ocean Parkway and started on my usual route. I kept my pace moderate and tried not to sprint and go too crazy. Turns out that this happened to be (in my opinion) my most consistent run yet. I maintained a pace of about 10 min 30 sec/mile. I never had to use the inhaler, and I only stopped for 1 stop light. I was so relieved to have a truly consistent run. I was so excited that I planned to run again tonight...only one problem. I HAVE THE FLU! The stinking flu, complete with runny nose, chills, fever, and body aches. I wanted to run again, now I am disappointed. and to top it off, we are supposed to get snow over the weekend, no running again until after the weekend. I need to run, I need to run outside, I need to run immediately, there is a reason why and if you keep reading I will let you know after this other announcement. 


I have heard so many people talking about the benefits of yoga. How it will help my breathing and flexibility and overall running condition. I have been a little nervous to try, I was nervous about the commitment, I have now found it answer to my concerns. Bikram Yoga Bay Ridge...I was worried about traveling to go to a class and being miserable and hot and sweaty, now they offer a 7 day unlimited package for $20.00. I am going to try it next week!!! 


Now for the reason why I need to run, and I am now experiencing this need to try yoga...I have officially signed up for The Buffalo Marathon!!!!! I am not going to run the full marathon, I am going to do the half. I am going to finish this run, no matter how I have to do it...run, walk, crawl, roll!!!! I don't care how I get it done but I will get it done. I know that I had said I signed up on Twitter, but tonight I reserved my room! The best news is that I have a roommate for the day and a running mate for the race...a lifetime WW member, fellow runner, and one of the most bad ass bitches I know. Wait for it...Wait for it...Suzi Storm!!! Watch out Buffalo, here we come!

Also, I want to send positive thoughts and best wishes for an awesome race to Trixie Mercury, who is running the Disney Half Marathon this weekend.  

 

Getting those miles in!

Last night I picked up a handy, dandy Zipcar to get my daughter from New Jersey. During the week they offer a sleepover special, from 6 pm to 8:30 am for under 50 bucks. My intention this morning was to drop off the car and run the 1.3 miles home. 


Well, I managed to run it home but it was an illegitimate mile because I forgot my Nike+ receiver and the roads were icy. I buckled down and knew the only way I was getting home was either walking it or running it. I ran what I could and ended up walking way more than I would have liked to, but because of the ice it wasn't easy. The end result was my worst run EVER. Almost a 16 minute mile...WTF is that???


I have decided for my own mental health, that I am going to sit here for a minute, make sure I have my receiver, and go out and run a legit mile in an area that I know has been well maintained. Big news after I go run this mile! 


Stay tuned....

Pissed and stressed!

So, just a quick update. Today I had some dealings with someone who claims to be my friend. In actuality, she is a self serving miserable human being. She feels the need to be a "fame" whore, funny thing is she is only famous and wonderful in her own mind. She is the kind of person who feels she needs to upstage everyone, no matter what you do, she does it better. At this point, I am contemplating cutting off all dealings with her. With all that being said, I didn't pig out due to stress and general bad feelings. Yay me! Small victories all count in reaching my goals. I am also upset because I wasn't able to go and "run out" my bad feelings. Frigging icy roads! I have work tomorrow (normally my day off) and weigh in so I need my rest. Ok, rant over...good night!

Day 2 of the New Year!

I thought I would add a post regarding one of my favorite sweet treats! I mentioned in my last WW meeting that I love marble cheesecake. I would buy a small sized one and "hoover" almost half of it without blinking an eye. Now that I have been on WW, I am definitely more cautious of what I eat and how much I eat of it. 


For my New Year's celebration (which I didn't get to enjoy because I am old and I fell asleep at 10pm), I purchased aforementioned cheesecake. Here it is in all it's marbly glory:

 

As you can see it is divided into quarters, a serving size is one quarter of the cake. A serving is also 12 PointsPlus. Like I said before, I could eat half of this cake and not bat an eyelash. Half of this cake is 23 PointsPlus...23 PointsPlus!!! That's almost my entire daily allowance, even 12 is a bit much. To think before I would eat at least a quarter of this an not even taste it, to be perfectly honest! 


These days, a very point conscious me, will eat this instead:

 

Do you see that?!?! Look at all that yummy deliciousness on that plate! Guess what...that plate is worth, get this, a total of 6 PointsPlus! Yes, you read correctly. 6 WHOPPING PointsPlus! That is one half of a serving of the above pictured cheesecake, 1 tsp of chocolate syrup (notice how much is on the plate, I don't even eat that part), and a serving of fat free whipped cream. The cheesecake is the only part of that dessert with an actual PointsPlus value. 


The main key to enjoying this lovely dessert is...RELAXING! Relax, eat slowly, savor every mouthful. You will be amazed at how much more satisfying that smaller slice of cake truly is. 


I didn't get a chance to do any running today so I am a mile behind for the year, but there is always tomorrow! 


Until tomorrow....

Starting off right and a new goal!

This morning I decided to start the New Year off right and go out for a run. Despite slushy, still plowed, side roads I managed to run 1.1 miles. And I managed to get it done in 10 min 43 sec. My fasted mile yet! I came home, plugged in my handy dandy Nike+ I got this:

 

Yay me!!!! So, now comes the goal for 2011. I want to run a minimum of 365 miles this year!!!! I will probably do more than that, but I figured I would keep the goal on the smaller side. This way if I only run 1 mile a day or a total of 365 for the year (no matter how I break it down) I will not be disappointed in myself. 

As far as my water goal for the year goes...I started off with a can of regular soda and a glass of Crystal Light, but I have reconciled all that with a full liter of water and more to follow. Have a great day!!!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Good morning and Happy New Year to all! I hope everyone had a safe and Happy Holiday season. I spent the day at work yesterday and in the evening I was going to spend a quiet night at home with the hubby. But alas, she who does not sleep well all week will inevitably end up falling asleep at 10pm. Looks like we will be having our nice steak dinner with sparkling cider toast for New Years Day!


So, this morning I woke up energized and ready to go for 2011. I wanted to get out and run, but thanks to Mayor Bloomjerk, we are still unplowed here in my part of Brooklyn. What to do, what to do? Ah ha, thanks to OnDemand there's some yoga on TV! I decide to give it a go. Being a yoga virgin, it was not easy and I don't think I was doing it right. And I have realized that I have no upper body strength. Time to find a real yoga class and hit the weights. 


To officially start 2011, I weighed myself! 

Yay! Lowest I have weighed in almost 10 years!

I am very happy to say, that according to my house scale, I am down 27 lbs since September when I started at 181 lbs. Thank you WW for helping me to realize the things I needed to change and a huge thank you to my brain for changing. I can see the difference and my body thanks you too! I think that I will try to get out for a run today as the weather warms up and the snow starts to disappear, oh you know what I am going to run now. Remember what I said about making excuses in my last post! No excuses begins right now, there is enough clear sidewalk for me to run. Even if I get in 15 minutes, it beats sitting in the house!


Someone is aware that the mama-lady is going out...

In other news, I could use some help here. I have decided that I am going to volunteer online as a crisis counselor. I have linked up with the orgainization, IMAlive. They in conjunction with TWLOHA, are helping to set up online crisis support for those struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. I have undergone an intensive training course, I received a $150.00 dollar scholarship from IMAlive to pay for the train but the other $100.00 is to be covered by donations. If you can help out, even a dollar, please see my page right here!