Friday, February 4, 2011

Decisions, decisions...

One would like to think that by the time they reach my age they would have things figured out. You know the usual things that you should have settled on in your 20's...job, home/apartment, goals. I feel like at almost 36, I am floundering in my life. I have skills, at least I like to think I do. But, for some reason, I have not yet figured out what to do with my life.

I am a NYS Certified EMT, but I am holding down a job that repulses me in a call center. I worked hard to become an EMT, but I can't figure out what to do with myself. I am not sure if I want to work for a private company, or do I want to hold out for NYFD. I mean really, I am not getting any younger. 

When I was in my 20's, I went back to school. I took classes to become a police officer. Due to a car accident, I hurt my back and gave up on that dream. I don't know why I gave it up. Maybe because I thought I couldn't handle it. I should have continued, I could have worked in the crime scene end of things. That was my best class and the one I always enjoyed attending. 

Now, here I find myself, floundering again. Only, now I have kids and a husband. I am miserable and unsure of my future. I wish I had a career, something solid, something I enjoyed... I keep thinking I am too old to really do anything different now. Could it be a fear of failure or what?? Is it normal for me to be such a mess at this age?? Am I the only one struggling with life decisions at this age??

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Lack of inspiration

I never thought it could be possible, never thought it probable. But right now I am suffering from a lack of inspiration to blog. There is nothing spectacular going on in my life, nothing that is worth writing about at least. I mean I have been sick, but this season who hasn't. We have had the Snowpocalypse, but again, who hasn't. My job sucks, who's doesn't. I don't ever want this to become a bitch-a-thon! I want to be able to share good times and bad, but at the current time, life is stagnant.

Maybe, just maybe, I will feel better tomorrow and be able to write something smart, and witty, and inspiring. 
Maybe, just maybe, I will feel empowered after this week's race and have something cool to share.
Maybe, just maybe, I will get an awesome new job and be able to share it with you.
Maybe, just maybe, I will hit the lottery.

I hope so....

Until then I will leave you with this, hope it brightens your day!

Oh mai... Don't you know howz to knock!