Friday, February 4, 2011

Decisions, decisions...

One would like to think that by the time they reach my age they would have things figured out. You know the usual things that you should have settled on in your 20's...job, home/apartment, goals. I feel like at almost 36, I am floundering in my life. I have skills, at least I like to think I do. But, for some reason, I have not yet figured out what to do with my life.

I am a NYS Certified EMT, but I am holding down a job that repulses me in a call center. I worked hard to become an EMT, but I can't figure out what to do with myself. I am not sure if I want to work for a private company, or do I want to hold out for NYFD. I mean really, I am not getting any younger. 

When I was in my 20's, I went back to school. I took classes to become a police officer. Due to a car accident, I hurt my back and gave up on that dream. I don't know why I gave it up. Maybe because I thought I couldn't handle it. I should have continued, I could have worked in the crime scene end of things. That was my best class and the one I always enjoyed attending. 

Now, here I find myself, floundering again. Only, now I have kids and a husband. I am miserable and unsure of my future. I wish I had a career, something solid, something I enjoyed... I keep thinking I am too old to really do anything different now. Could it be a fear of failure or what?? Is it normal for me to be such a mess at this age?? Am I the only one struggling with life decisions at this age??


  1. My mom was 40 when she graduated from nursing school and my dad was 50 when he got his degree.

    I'm 37 and contemplating going back for my masters.

    I think subscribing to the traditional view of what and where you should be in life is dangerous. Many people struggle to find the right fit, particularly when it cones to careers.

    I can't tell you what to do exactly, since these are MAJOR life decisions, but just know you're not alone.

  2. Thank you Trixie! I just feel like I should be more "settled", I guess.

    I feel like so far, I haven't found something that fits. And, I guess I felt like I'm not sure that I will. Being sick the past week has given me too much time to think.

    Thank you for the support. And it is nice to know I'm not alone.

  3. I feel this way all the time. I think for those of us who do not have our "career" ironed out in our 30s we have to remember that we are still YOUNG! That is what my husband tells me, and he is a doctor. ;-)

    And I try to remember to enjoy the journey I'm on. My life has not taken me on a straight path to get where I am now (I actually failed out of college because of depression, then I went on to get a Master's degree that I don't currently use), but I wouldn't trade any of what has made me *me*. I simply trust that my path might continue to meander, but if I'm honest with myself about my wants, I will eventually figure out a "career" that I can be proud of.

    (I also think as a culture we need to rethink careers and work in general. We need money to put a roof over our heads, of course but there is much more to living than that.)

    And, I also tell myself - life is NOT a race! Who cares if I don't figure things out when I'm "supposed to?" I figure them out on MY time!

    Sorry if I don't have a focused point! Just some thoughts from a 30-something who also doesn't have it "figured out" yet.